My interest on the subject of etiquette or social
do’s and don’ts came about during a discussion at the end of a meal. Having
finished I duly placed my knife and fork down together on the plate,
positioning the handles pointing in the direction of the number six on a clock
face. Logical, I had done this as long as I could remember. My Dutch
counterpart, however, placed his with the handles both pointing towards the
four. The ensuing conversation as to who was right and who not became quite
heated. It was apparent that some basic elements of etiquette, that I had taken
for granted, were not the same the world over. Being British, I assumed that
the precedent of good manners must have been pioneered by us, that the
discrepancy was due to them, and the Dutch-British divide (ie. The Channel).
Further research showed that our American cousins also finished a meal by
placing their cutlery in the same way upon the plate.
The cutlery saga continues along with the variety of ways to hold, cut
and generally wield the implements during a meal. However, it seems
there is no ‘right’ way. One point we all agree on is that leaving soiled
cutlery sprawled across the newly starched linen table cloth is a no no.
What is etiquette? Reaching for the Concise Oxford dictionary, the
definition of etiquette is: the customary
code of polite behaviour in a society. Originating from French etiquette,
in the eighteenth century, it was seen as a ‘list of ceremonial observances of
a court’, also a ‘label, or ‘etiquette’.
Etiquette not only governs ones eating habits, but general behaviour and
presentation of oneself in polite society. The Victorians had an austere set of
rules as long as your arm that had to be observed, unless you wanted to become
a total social outcast. Take the raising of the small finger whilst drinking
for example, supposedly the height of refinement in its heyday, now a cliché.
Amusingly, it can still be spotted in use now and then.
But it wasn’t always like this, etiquette seems to have arisen from a
combination of an abundance of food and boredom, bred in the royal courts. Not
so for our ancient ancestors, who were far too busy with survival on a daily
basis and the hunt, kill, cook and eat aspect of life. Imagine them worrying
about the placement of the cutlery, gravy running into their bear skins and who
it was who had emitted that rather obnoxious burping noise, two rocks further
down the cave. Although having said that, in some parts of the world burping is
often expected to show the host that you are enjoying the meal.
So, next time you're making a gravy-and-potato volcano, just take a
minute and ask yourself if you have put your cutlery in the right place!
© Alison Day
First published in
the Connections magazine #16
Summer 2007
