Letters Never Sent

Hot off the press, in the hands of Jo Parfitt (Summertime Publishing).

Recently, I was asked by Jo Parfitt of Summertime Publishing to help with the re-publication (4th) of Letters Never Sent by Ruth van Reken. This involved resetting the internals and designing a new cover. Designing the cover was wonderful - it does something when one of your designs becomes a fully-fledged book cover! Resetting the internals, however, was initially not so wonderful and became a very steep learning curve for me indeed: learning a new program, intermittent major rants, as well as loads of cups of tea. But now, mission accomplished, it's out there and I'm very pleased to have been involved in its re-issue.

Letters Never Sent, is a series of letters written in retrospect by Ruth van Reken to her parents. Although never actually posted in letter form, it is her way of documenting her earliest childhood memories, not only for them, but for herself too. In the letters, she tries to explain the separation and loneliness she experienced, whilst her missionary parents were out doing  'God's work' on placements in other countries than where she was. 

From a young age, Ruth didn't see her parents for long periods of time, and we can feel the struggle and ensuing sadness inside her. We follow her journey from young girl to adult woman; notice her unwavering faith in God and her attempts to be happy and 'cope'. Often-times she is aided by a deep self-examination and an underlying feeling of shame, which emerges as her survival mechanism. All this is coupled with supportive friends, teachers and supervisors - her second family at boarding school - who help to establish her identity. Later, we are privy to her continuing journey through life: her marriage, the start of a family, and eventual following in her parent's footsteps.

Ruth van Reken is one of many whose childhood circumstances have led them to be referred to as TCK's (Third Culture Kids). This classification arises when a child lives in a third culture to which it is not native and is alien to those cultures its parents originate from. Although not a native to the third culture, the child will take it on in order to form an identity, and in doing so help to stabilize feelings of unrest or insecurity. As the movement of people the world over increases, so do the number of TCKs and global nomads at large. As a result this story may evoke a few 'Aha!' moments or a sympathetic understanding from those with similar histories. 

Letters Never Sent is an insightful, poignant and interesting read for all, regardless of your religious affiliations. 

For your own copy of Letters Never Sent, you can purchase it on Amazon as a Kindle edition or as a paperback .

Review: Expat Bookshop (16.04.12)

© Alison Day Designs

What's Hot, What's Not - 'Home Keeps Moving' by Heidi Sand-Hart.

She has spent the greater part of her young life traveling all over the world, living in countries such as India, where school trips were by no means ordinary, and involved visiting jungles inhabited by tigers and elephants and crystal clear lakes. It is here too that her mother set up two orphanages, to help the unwanted baby girls rejected by their families, who would be unable to meet the demands of the customary dowry expected of them when the girl reached marrying age. So, from an early age Heidi learnt to interact with people from other cultures and had the added bonus of young Indian sisters to play with. 

Heidi perceives herself as a global nomad, as during her informative years (due to her parent’s missionary work), they generally spent no more than four years in any one place, often moving after only one or two years; as a result she attended over 9 different schools. Her life, although challenging has been unique, and although friends have been hard to make along the way, those that remain, are worth their weight in gold. Adaptation becomes the name of the game, but she wouldn’t have it any other way. One point she does make, however, is that she sees all the variety and excitement she has experienced as a gift. ‘Real life’ is rather more mundane and to try to re-create this lifestyle now as an adult would cause her to be alienated from her peers.

Often feeling mature beyond her years, and grappling with unresolved grief within, as well as the delayed adolescent rebellion (due to a highly organized and pressured nomadic existence) has meant that compiling Home Keeps Moving has been a long time in the making. It wasn’t until she came across the “Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds”, by Ruth van Reken and Dave Pollock that she was able begin to rationalize her thoughts enough to make headway and to express precisely what she thinks makes her feel different as a TCK, in comparison to others.

A cultural chameleon she certainly is, and it is interesting to hear that she has managed to build a relationship (on her own terms) with each of the three main cultures she is involved with. Of her birth country England she says: 

“Whenever I arrive in London, the familiarity makes me feel at home...like I almost belong there”. Of Norway: “It was never more than a summer holiday destination to me, until we moved there in 1996, and it highlighted a lot of TCK tendencies to me, so for that I am grateful”. And finally, of her mother’s country, Finland: “Finland is called “the Land of a Thousand Lakes,” and I have pleasant memories of steaming hot saunas, night swims, roasting sausages on open fires, moonlit boat trips with our cousins, adventure, and beauty”.

But as to where she considers home to be: “The truthful answer is that home is wherever my family members are”.

Heidi’s book, ‘Home Keeps Moving’, provides the reader with an honest and interesting account of the life of a TCK and MK. As well as including her own experiences, for extra dimension, she has included accounts from other multi-cultural global nomads and TCKs, including her brother, Ben. Her story touches on the advantages and disadvantages of being a third culture kid in today’s world. It is a lifestyle, which can be said to provide, on the one hand, a rich education about the real world and its issues, as well as how to interact with people of many cultures, and on the other, how to deal with culture shock, continual packing and unpacking, and the inevitable restlessness caused by the lifestyle of a global nomad.

© Alison Day
Alison Day Design 

First published in the Connections magazine #30 Winter 2011